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Know Thy Self --
Three Keys to Zestful Living
I am lost. I have gone to find myself. If I should get back before I return, please ask
me to wait.
- Author Unknown
Dear Friend,
Readers Respond
The two previous Letters were on writing. You may view them by clicking on these links. Stepping
Through Writing Procrastination.
Maintaining Motivation For Long-Term Writing Projects
Thanks to those who sent in responses to my request for personal secrets for maintaining motivation for writing
projects. Here are two of them:
"I think the best advice I ever got about writing was from my dad, who took twelve years to write his dissertation!
He said it was all about choosing the right topic. If the topic bores you, you won't want to finish writing;
you'll wander away from the project to do something else, like taking apart your watch, or alphabetizing your record
collection, or anything else more fascinating than the characters or ideas in your book/thesis/article/paper."
Lyn Bigelow
Writer
"I have a pretty creative mind once I get going... I do have periods when I don't feel like writing
anything, but most of the time I'm just sitting at the computer doing some kind of writing, whether it's professional,
for fun, or email. When I used to compose music I found that I spent most of my time sitting at the piano
improvising and suddenly I'd hit upon a theme and just work with it until a song was completed. Most of the
time that's how I wrote my music, even though every once in awhile I wrote lyrics first. Maybe that's
the key in general; just write about anything and soon your creative juices will start flowing."
Mitch Mitchell
T. T. Mitchell Consulting
Know Thy Self
In a coaching session recently, one of my clients was telling me how he felt like the things he was doing, despite
their obvious value to other people, didn't bring any zest to his life. We looked about for patterns and
relationships to the things he was saying, and discovered a constellation of three factors which appear to have
contributed to his experience. I also have experienced these operating in my life. Perhaps they show up in
your life, as well.
The Constellation of Factors:
- We live in a time in our culture when it has come to be expected that we are busy all the time... not just
any kind of busy, we're pre-scheduled busy.
- We tend to be unaware of our inner lives, and so it is rare that in any moment we actually know what we want
and need. Moreover, we fail to attend to the most interesting details that are available to us in our present
moments.
- Putting oneself first is seen as being selfish, and that's a no-no, no matter where in your life this shows
up.
Let me explain how all this comes together.
Scheduled vs Unscheduled Time
Perhaps you don't own a PDA and maybe you don't even carry around a schedule book. But if you're reading this e-mail,
my guess is you organize your life around time.
Does this sound like your day? At "Oh-Dark-Thirty" (that's really early) you start your day, you
exercise, or read, or eat, or meditate, go to work, have appointments upon appointments, have lunch, do more stuff
you have to do today (not tomorrow), leave for home, arrive home, change your clothes, prepare your meal, eat,
perhaps go out to a board meeting, care for the kids, run them to soccer, do chores, watch TV, do e-mail,... and
so on.
And on the weekend, you have an appointment for dinner with friends that you scheduled 2 months before and perhaps
had to change once or twice. Vacations are planned months or even years in advance, whether you need them
earlier or later.
When our workdays, nights, and weekends are fully scheduled, we lose our connection to what we really want or need
at that moment. Our energy and interest is often at odds with what is calling our attention and we lose a bit of
our creativity and our zest. It definitely takes its toll.
Diminished Awareness vs Heightened Awareness
Typically, the busier we are, the less time we take to just be. We are human beings, not
human doings, yet we spend almost all our time focusing on doing. People who spend time getting in
touch with their inner life on a daily basis describe themselves as being more satisfied with their lives in general.
Why is this? I believe there are two main reasons. First, they tend to be aware of more of the moments
in their lives, which means they are actually experiencing the richness of their lives to a greater extent.
And second, they are more frequently attuned to themselves and their experience, so they know better what they
need and want, and, consequently, have the option of making choices that better reflect this awareness.
In summary: Daily meditation or reflection builds greater appreciation of "what is" and opens the door
to making better choices.
Selfishness vs Self-Respect
I value sharing, giving, community, and service. Clearly, there are more than enough worthy causes and projects
to fill all of our time. Believe me, I'm not encouraging anyone to hold back from giving of themselves, as
it's a remarkable part of being human.
But I am encouraging you to be aware of when your life starts to go downhill as a result of your commitments of
time and energy. One of the best skills one can learn (which I admit I'm still learning) is to know how to
have flexible, yet strong boundaries. It is not necessarily a good thing to respond to every call to help
out. Most importantly, do you have the time and energy and temperament for the activity you are doing or
considering doing?
By the way, this holds true at work, as well as your personal life. Is the way you use your time working
for you? What boundaries do you need to set with co-workers, supervisors, and supervisees?
Putting it All Together - The Three Keys
- Leave yourself unplanned and uncommitted time for your energy to express itself the way it needs to in those
moments.
- Grant yourself the luxury of a few minutes of getting to know yourself. Meditate, write, be quiet with
yourself.
- Just say "Maybe." Grant yourself permission to mull over any request for your time. Be honest with
yourself about what this commitment will take from you, in addition to what it will give you. Be brave.
I would like to share some of your experiences around this topic with others. Let me hear from you.
To your success -
Steve
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