The Reiter Coaching Letter

For Creating the Life You Want

Issue 21

www.stevereiter.com

September 3, 2002

Mindful Eating  - Part Three

Letting Go

Peace is present right her and now, in ourselves and in every thing we do and see.  The question is whether or not we are in touch with it.  We don't have to travel far away to enjoy the blue sky.  We don't have to leave our city or even our neighborhood to enjoy the eyes of a beautiful child.  Even the air we breathe can be a source of joy.
                                 -- Thich Nhat Hanh
                                      from Peace is Every Step

Dear Friend,

This is Part Three in a series on Mindful Eating.  In the June 18 issue, I presented an overview of the Mindful Eating Program and what I'm learning.  The July 2 issue (Part 1) discussed the perils of Chronic Dieting.  And the July 30 issue (Part 2) followed up with Mindfulness Meditation.  Click on the blue underlined links to read those issues.

Don't know much about...
Part of the joy of being a coach is that my life is enriched by my work with my clients.  I love these folks.  And I believe that for me to be a good model for my clients I have to "walk my talk."  As with them, my life is a work in progress, and I don't have all the answers.  Sometimes, I have just the smallest clue... which is about where I stand with today's topic.  As with Mindfulness Meditation, I'm only a beginner in discerning the nuances and richness inherent in the practice of "letting go."  So please, if what I write appears valuable to consider, do delve further through readings and experts who can guide you in your travels.

Why Talk About Buddhism?
Buddhism as a spiritual path speaks to how we pay attention and to what we pay attention.  Since the tradition of meditation I have been introduced to is part of this tradition, I figure I might as well mention it.  You don't have to practice Buddhism or include "letting go" as part of your spiritual life to benefit from this process; letting go is valuable in its own right.  On the other hand, Buddhist perspectives can offer great insight and prove of immeasurable value.

The Story Goes (something) Like This
As a child, Buddha lived in opulence.  He began to question the nature of life and being human, and was not satisfied with the answers he obtained.  Realizing that there must be more to life than "every wish is my command," he chose to seek the answers by living the life of an ascetic.  As it turned out, the ascetic lifestyle didn't lead to the kind of revelation he sought, either.  One evening, he got fed up and went and sat under a tree.  "I'm going to sit here until it comes to me," he thought.  Good thing for him, it didn't take too long.  He "suddenly" realized that the cause of most human suffering is not what we experience (our thoughts, feelings, and sensations), but rather that we attempt to hold on to our experiences in certain unproductive ways.  The thoughts, feelings, and sensations we cling to, that we have an intellectual and emotional investment in keeping as they are -- or as they should be -- are called attachments.  And the goal is to let them go.

Attachments
Now that I have become aware of this concept, it is pretty easy for me to see that the greatest amount of my moment-to-moment unhappiness derives from my wanting to keep things as they are or were... or should have been or should be. 

Some examples might be helpful:

• I want my body to look a certain way.  I don't like my thighs.
• My thighs look great!  I have to keep them that way.
• Having great thighs is important: to my success, attractiveness, sexual prowess, bicycling ability.
• This relationship is perfect.  I'm working hard to maintain it.
• This relationship used to be perfect.  Now it's terrible.
• My car is a beauty, isn't it?  Not a scratch to be seen.
• Who the heck scratched my car???
• I want some ice cream.  I really, really, want some ice cream.
• If this wine isn't wonderful, I'm going to be really upset.
• Aaaaaah!  Now I'm really upset.  It always takes me a long time to get over being upset.
• Other people's noise makes me crazy.
• When I'm tired and have a headache I just can't be cheerful.
• If these examples aren't helpful, people will think I don't know what I'm talking about... and that will be terrible... and I'll feel awful... and so I shouldn't write it without being absolutely sure... etc.

... and Letting Go
Thoughts, feelings, and sensations, are just parts of the human experience.  We don't actually have to do anything other than notice them... and then let them pass through us, let them go.

• I'm really really angry.  (How interesting.)
• Someone just threw a rock through our front window.  (Sigh.) I need to get it fixed.  Maybe I should report it to the police.  (Don't let it temper the rest of my day.)
• Chocolate.  I want chocolate.  (Recognize the desire.)
• etc.

Bringing it back home
As I wrote in the prior issue of the Letter, while meditating, we choose a point of focus (e.g., the breath), we observe where our attention has drifted, and then we to return our attention to the point of focus.  In order to get our attention back to the breath, it is necessary to let go of whatever it is that we were thinking, feeling, or noticing at that moment.  With so many opportunities to practice letting go, it is not surprising that our skill in doing so carries over into our non-meditating life.

Your turn

How will letting go change your life?
Is it something you are willing to practice?  How?
What commitment are you willing to make at this time?
What vision do you have for yourself around this dimension?
 

Resources
As I mentioned last week, a good starting place to learn more about Mindfulness is the superb book Wherever You Go, There You Are, by Jon Kabat-Zinn, available in paperback.  Look for it in your public library, local bookseller (start small), or get it online (see below). 

Also, check out the writings of Thich Nhat Hanh.  One very accessible book by him is Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life. 

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As always, I welcome your experiences, comments, and expertise.  If you would like to see how coaching might support you in building a life of fulfillment, give me a call.  I'd love to support you in your journey.  And...

May your journey be a good one -

   Steve

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The Reiter Coaching Letter is published by Steve Reiter on the first and third Tuesday of each month.  The purpose is to challenge you and support you in creating success and fulfillment throughout your life.

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The Reiter Coaching Letter
Copyright (c) 2002, Reiter Coaching. All rights reserved.
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