The Reiter Coaching Letter

For Creating the Life You Want

Issue 8

www.stevereiter.com

January 1, 2002

You are probably thinking: "Every year I make the same New Year's resolution, which is that I will lose weight, and currently my thighs are the diameter of the trans-Atlantic pipeline."

Don't feel bad!  Many people have trouble sticking to their resolutions, and there is a scientific explanation for this.  In 1987, a team of psychologists conducted a study in which they monitored the New Year's resolutions of 275 people.  After one week, the psychologists found that 92 percent of the people were keeping their resolutions; after two weeks, we have no idea what happened because the psychologists had quit monitoring.
                                                      -- Dave Barry
 
 

New Year’s Resolutions

6 Steps to Make Them Last

Dear Friend,

First off, May this year be one of peace and joy.  May "real life" be good to you personally.  And may you adapt to change with a smile on your face.  Now on to the article.

Do you make resolutions on New Year’s Day?  Do you really want them to be fulfilled?  Come February, do you still remember that you made them?  How about by mid-January?   Myself?   I would forget about my resolutions by January 2nd!   So I no longer make them.  But, of course, this year is special.  (Aren't they all?)

How big must my resolutions be to be “big enough?” 

This is a valuable question.  But along with the value comes some potential pitfalls.  First, the value.  The value is that it is good to have periodic reminders to take stock of our lives.  What better time than the beginning of a year to recommit to our goals and ask important questions of ourselves, such as: 

• Are these still my goals? 
• What is my definition of success?
• Where am I going?
• What do I want?
• Am I living my life in a way that honors and respects what's truly important to me?
• What might it look like if I did honor them?
• What is the quality of my relationships?
• Have I accomplished what I had hoped this year?
• How have I grown this year?
• How do I want to be contributing to the better good?
• What’s next for me?

So many questions can be asked.  That’s the value in the “how big is big enough?” question.  So what are the potential pitfalls in that question?

There are two main ones.  One is that the turn of a year, or even a century or millennium has little to do with us as individuals.  After all, why take stock only once a year?  Why wait?  Why not recommit to our goals monthly, weekly…or, dare I suggest, daily?

The other main pitfall to watch out for is that seeking that artificially large “big-enough-for-the-whole-year" vision can sidetrack or even derail the natural process of creating a vision.  “I’m sorry, but that vision of your future is not quite good enough.  And that goal is just a bit too wimpy for a whole year.”  Rubbish.

The six steps to increasing the odds that your resolutions will come true.

1. Create a compelling vision of your future.  When we carry a powerful vision deep within us, it becomes part of who we are and flows into all that we do and who we are.   The vision draws us toward it.  We no longer need to struggle just to figure out what we’re supposed to do each day and how we’ll get ourselves motivated to do it. 

• Ask yourself: What do I want? (Not what you don’t want.)
• Be as specific as you can. 
• It must be something that you can control, not something someone else must do.
• Ask yourself: What will having this outcome do for me?  Then ask the question again, this time directed at the answer you got when you first asked this question.  For example, if your resolution is to create more free time, the answer the first time through might be “I will have more time for myself.”  Then: “Having more time for myself will allow me to do things I like to do.”  Then: “This will help me to feel better about my life and myself, so I will start taking better care of myself.”  Keep delving.  Change your original outcome if it no longer fits.
• How will I know when I have reached it?  Describe what you will see, hear and feel upon reaching your goal.
• What will other people notice about me when I have achieved this goal?

2. Identify the barriers that are in the way.  Tim Gallway, coach and author of the classic book The Inner Game of Tennis, has a simple “formula” to help make this point.  P = p – i.  Performance equals potential minus interference. 

• Ask yourself: What stops me from having this goal already?
• Most “internal” barriers (e.g., “I’m not smart or creative enough.”) functioned to keep us safe when we were young, but offer nothing positive to us as adults.   Get help in dismantling your self-deprecating beliefs.
• As you move forward, notice what feelings come up and re-commit to what you are creating.  Hear yourself say: “Oh, there’s that pesky terror again.”  Then go out and do what you need to do anyway.
• Consider the consequences of actually achieving your goal.  While most will be positive, some may be negative.

3. Assess your resources.   Take stock of what you already have available to assist you.   What else do you need?   Be specific.  Ask yourself:

• Who can help me, teach me, or take over a piece?
• What relevant experience do I already have?
• What tools do I have or can access?   For example, if you wanted to do some writing for publication, you might have a dictionary, thesaurus, pens, typewriter, computer, a space to write undisturbed, a good chair.  You could also find some of these at a library, where you could also find publication guides and internet access.
• What additional resources do I need?

4. Plan how you’re going to do it.  What are the steps you’re going to take to get there?

• Be creative. 
• What other ways might this be done?  How might someone who is older, richer, more creative, or who loves to take risks do this?  How might someone who is younger, poorer, less creative, or who hates risk do this?
• Again, be specific.  Write them down.
• Make the steps small enough to be achievable, but big enough to fuel your energy and create momentum.

5. Discover what will remind you of your compelling vision.  Your compelling vision doesn’t do you any good if it’s sitting on the fourth page of your to-do list or in the back of your mind and dreams. 

• What will keep it fresh and current?
• What will serve as that reminder?  Is it a photo of a glorious mountain peak?  A slogan: “Tahiti in Two Thousand Two!”?  A small statue in your bedroom or work area?  A trinket?  A stone?   An inspirational screensaver on your computer?  What will do it for you?
• Who can remind you of your vision?   Is it a friend or partner?  A business associate?  A personal or professional coach?  Perhaps you could buddy-up with someone to periodically check in to see what progress you have made.
• If you decide to work with a buddy, be sure to pick someone who will challenge you to honor your commitments, not someone who will collude with your excuses! 

6. Remember that staying on your path is not about perfection, but it is about commitment and lifelong learning.  If you stray from the path, you get to choose to come back to it.  You get to discover what got in the way, who you are, and what’s important to you. 

And best of all, you get to feel the fulfillment that comes from creating your life based on your highest values.

Reader Contributions and Input

An anonymous Christmas story was forwarded to me by a fellow coach.

Find it and prior Reader Contributions on my web site at archives. 

Remember, please send me:
Stories, vignettes, quotations, and short essays that speak to you in some important way.

And tell me...
What do you want to hear about in the near future? 
What issues are you "dancing" with at the moment?
On what issues would additional perspectives be valuable?
May I post your contribution?  Do you wish to be identified ast the contributor, and if so, how?
 

May Peace be with you.

 Steve

Want more satisfaction and fulfillment in your life?  Looking to simplify your day-to-day living?  I can help.  To explore the value of Life Coaching for you, call 315-472-0504 for a complimentary coaching session.  Or e-mail to: coach@stevereiter.com, or visit my web site at 
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The Reiter Coaching Letter is published by Steve Reiter on the first and third Tuesday of each month.  The purpose is to challenge you and support you in creating success and fulfillment throughout your life.

The names of newsletter subscribers will never be shared or sold.

Unless otherwise indicated, all content is written and edited by Steve Reiter, MS, PCC.  You are welcome to republish any or all parts of this newsletter; I ask only that you honor the copyright by including full acknowledgment and a listing of my contact information (name, e-mail, web site).

The Reiter Coaching Letter
Copyright (c) 2001, all rights reserved.
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