We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness.
                                                          --  Thich Nhat Hanh
 

We are all held in place by the pressure of the crowd around us.  We must all lean upon others.  Let us see that we lean gracefully and freely and acknowledge their support.
              - Margaret Collier Graham (from Gifts and Givers, 1906)
 
 

Goin' it alone.

Dear Friend,

I've been noticing that I keep falling back into the trap of thinking that I have to do things all by myself. 

I am preparing for a party in 4 days from now.  The party is in celebration of my wife, Annegret, having completed her doctoral dissertation. Way to Go, Annegret!  Our friend Mara is helping me plan it.  We have about 70 people coming.  It includes a potluck dinner followed by a lot of merrymaking. 

Mara and I met today to plan.  After checking our supplies and deciding who's going to shop for what and who's going to make what, and who's going to bring what, Mara asks me:

"Who have you asked to help out?"

Help out? 

Had you been there, you could almost see this question bounce around in my head looking for an answer. 

Truth is, I hadn't even thought of it.  But it is clear that having friends to help would certainly lighten the load, making it possible for Mara and me to enjoy the party, rather than just be running it.  What a novel idea.

But it's not new to me.
The interesting thing is that I'm not new to celebrating with community support.  My wedding celebration was created and carried out by myriad friends and family, all pitching in to assure a success.  For them, it was a contribution of love.  For the wedding couple... well, let's just say that it was mighty hard for us to ignore the real connection to these folks and their commitment to our future.

An isolated case?
I'm convinced I'm not alone in forgetting to ask for support.  Within our society, we get repeated messages that we should be independent, competent, do-it-all kind of folks.  For most of us, it's only in a crisis that we feel permission to ask for help.  Most of the time, we hunker down and "just do it."  By ourselves.

This is not to say that we never do this outside of crisis -- in fact there are numerous exceptions even in my own life.  But it's not as natural an occurrence as it could be.

So I sent out an e-mail this afternoon, requesting help to set up, clean up, and do whatever comes up in the middle.

I just got my first reply, -- positive reply -- accompanied by this stanza:

Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter
Togetherness, girl, it's all I'm after
Whenever you need me
I'll be there (chorus) I'll be there
                                                          - michael jackson
 

I want YOU!
As you know, I have been creating this newsletter alone -- one sided, so to speak -- and I want to change that.

I want you, my reader, to become involved.  Not only do I want you to tell me what you think and feel about what I've written, I also want you to tell me if and how what I have written has shifted something for you.  And if there's a stuck place and it hasn't yet budged, tell me what you need from me.

Send me:
Stories, vignettes, quotations, and short essays that speak to you in some important way.

And tell me...
What do you want to hear about in the near future? 
What issues are you "dancing" with at the moment?
On what issues would additional perspectives be valuable?

And now, finally, it's your turn.
What came up for you that you'd like to share?
What came up for you that you wouldn't like to share?
Where in your life can you use the support of others?
What are the different communities in which you are a part?
What are they like?  Do they support you and others in the way you would like?
How do you contribute to these communities?
If you want to change or strengthen your connection to a community: What's one thing you're going to do this week?

(Note: I'd like to be able to thank the people who help me out.  So when you send personal stories, please let me know if I have your permission to include your submission in future newsletters and whether you wish attribution or prefer to remain anonymous.  Similarly, if you forward quotations or the writings of others, let me know if I may mention your name as the contributor.)

I'm waiting...

May Peace be with you.

 Steve

Want more satisfaction and fulfillment in your life?  Looking to simplify your day-to-day living?  I can help.  To explore the value of Life Coaching for you, call 315-472-0504 for a complimentary coaching session.  Or e-mail to: coach@stevereiter.com, or visit my web site at 
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The Reiter Coaching Letter is published by Steve Reiter on the first and third Tuesday of each month.  The purpose is to challenge you and support you in creating success and fulfillment throughout your life.

The names of newsletter subscribers will never be shared or sold.

Unless otherwise indicated, all content is written and edited by Steve Reiter, MS, PCC.  You are welcome to republish any or all parts of this newsletter; I ask only that you honor the copyright by including full acknowledgment and a listing of my contact information (name, e-mail, web site).

The Reiter Coaching Letter
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